Anger and frustration are negative emotions that stem from fear while positive emotions like hope, courage, and compassion are born of love. Love is greater than fear or any other negative emotion. Love is greater than anything. Compassion is required to transform all negative emotions, especially anger because it allows you to expose the hurt and in turn heal. Anger left unhealed turns to suffering. Persistent anger allows the stress hormone cortisol to be elevated in the body, impairing the immune system, hampering your ability to relax, making you edgy, and taxing your system. Anger feeds on anger and builds momentum.
Most common causes of anger:
- Unfair treatment
- Treated disrespectfully
- Feeling unappreciated
- Feeling threatened
- Personal boundaries compromised
Instead of holding in or blowing up you must deal with the anger. Develop strategies to express your emotion in a healthy manner.
When anger rises, take these action steps:
Pause. Stop and take a deep breath. Slowly count to twenty in order to regain composure. This allows you to think before you act (or react).
Time-out. If you need more time, retreat for a few moments to a calmer location to find your center and prevent lashing out. This is especially important if you’re tired, rushed, or before bedtime. These are not appropriate times to work through anger.
Release. Decide that your objective is to not stay angry and be willing to release negative resentments.
Communicate. Be calm and clear in tone and acknowledge the hurt without lashing out. Find a way for both parties to get their needs met. Set the intention for a compassionate exchange in order to alter the path of anger. Compassionate communication is a sacred exchange for the greater good involving empathy, bonding, and growth.
Forgive. It is necessary to feel anger in order for forgiveness to begin. Apologize or be accepting of their apology. Take steps to modify the offending behavior or find a way to compromise. Forgiveness means you can no longer punish yourself or the other party for any wrongdoing.
Accept. Realize that people generally don’t mean to cause others harm and are doing the best that they can. Accept their shortcomings.
Acknowledge. Understand that some people are too toxic to participate in a compassionate exchange. In these situations it is best to limit your contact with them and/or slowly detach. You cannot force an unwilling person into a resolution or compromise. Especially with a bully. Resist the urge for revenge or to get even. This reduces you to your worst self.