Anger
and frustration are negative emotions that stem from fear while positive
emotions like hope, courage, and compassion are born of love. Love is greater
than fear or any other negative emotion. Love is greater than anything.
Compassion is required to transform all negative emotions, especially anger
because it allows you to expose the hurt and in turn heal. Anger left unhealed
turns to suffering. Persistent anger allows the stress hormone cortisol to be
elevated in the body, impairing the immune system, hampering your ability to
relax, making you edgy, and taxing your system. Anger feeds on anger and builds
momentum.
Most
common causes of anger:
-
Unfair
treatment
-
Treated
disrespectfully
-
Feeling
unappreciated
-
Feeling
threatened
-
Personal
boundaries compromised
Instead
of holding in or blowing up you must deal with the anger. Develop strategies to
express your emotion in a healthy manner.
When
anger rises, take these action steps:
Pause. Stop and take
a deep breath. Slowly count to twenty in order to regain composure. This allows
you to think before you act (or react).
Time-out. If you need
more time, retreat for a few moments to a calmer location to find your center
and prevent lashing out. This is especially important if you’re tired, rushed,
or before bedtime. These are not appropriate times to work through anger.
Release. Decide that
your objective is to not stay angry and be willing to release negative
resentments.
Communicate. Be calm and
clear in tone and acknowledge the hurt without lashing out. Find a way for both
parties to get their needs met. Set the intention for a compassionate exchange
in order to alter the path of anger. Compassionate communication is a sacred
exchange for the greater good involving empathy, bonding, and growth.
Forgive. It is
necessary to feel anger in order for forgiveness to begin. Apologize or be
accepting of their apology. Take steps to modify the offending behavior or find
a way to compromise. Forgiveness means you can no longer punish yourself or the
other party for any wrongdoing.
Accept. Realize that
people generally don’t mean to cause others harm and are doing the best that
they can. Accept their shortcomings.
Acknowledge. Understand
that some people are too toxic to participate in a compassionate exchange. In
these situations it is best to limit your contact with them and/or slowly
detach. You cannot force an unwilling person into a resolution or compromise.
Especially with a bully. Resist the urge for revenge or to get even. This
reduces you to your worst self.
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