Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The One

"Descent is not about finding light but about going into the darkness and befriending it. If we remain there long enough, it takes on its own luminosity. It will reveal everything to us." ~Sue Monk Kidd

I feel like I've been on a journey the last few years. In a sense, a spirit quest. As I've walked this path I've discover so much about myself that I never knew. How can you not know your own self? I think many of us have fallen into that pothole as some point or another. Let me take a step back for a moment...

A few years ago I went through my second divorce. Yes, second. Talk about feeling like a failure! Granted, I was the one who wanted the divorce from our extremely short-lived marriage. I realized that I had made a big massive mistake and tried to backtrack to fix my error in judgment. So there I was, in my early thirties and divorced for the second time. Yikes!

At this point, I'm feeling like I don't deserve love, I will never find true love, there is no such thing as a soul mate, and "The One" doesn't exist. So my answer to this dilemma was to turn within. The common denominator in this string of broken relationships is me. Oh boy! {I should note here that I'm not taking all the blame but owning up to my portion.} So the last couple years I've taken a leave of absence from the dating pool, my own personal soul-searching sabbatical.

During this time I've read most every self-help, inspirational, and relationship book lining the Amazon and iTunes virtual bookshelf. I've journaled, meditated, performed ceremonies, gone to therapy, and indulged in each and every whim my mind could muster in order to begin to recognize my true self. I felt like that was the root of my frustration. Not that I don't know how to be in a relationship, although that could use some work, it was that I didn't know ME. How can I stand up for myself in any relationship; my values, needs, and boundaries; if I don't even know who I am and what these things mean to me?

One of the most important discoveries that I've made along the way is this - I am "The One."

Let me expand: I am the only one who can make me happy. I am the only one who knows my needs. I have to love myself first. I have to feel my own self-worth before others can treat me in the way I deserve to be treated. I am "The One" I've been searching for my whole life.

"...awareness of true love as a limitless source within you, not something or someone outside you; a feeling of self-worth that lets you accept that love is your birthright, not something you must prove yourself worthy of..." ~Meggan Watterson from Reveal: A Sacred Manual for Getting Spiritually Naked*

Don't misunderstand, I still believe in love and I still believe my life partner is out there somewhere hopefully making his way to me. What I know now is that if we don't find each other any time soon or if somehow our paths never cross - I will be okay.

I no longer need to search because everything I need can be found inside of me. I am my own beloved.


* I can't recommend this book enough. I cherish this book and the treasure that lies within its binding. Must read!

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